The inevitability of change

Any trip that you take back to a familiar place will be met with change. After all, change is the only constant in the world.  Many philosophers have emphasized that from the ancient wisdom of the Buddha through to the more contemporary writers such as Osho and Eckhart Tolle. India, being such an enduring nation, also has its history and traditions that seem so entrenched, also sees change. Some seems so obviously in need of a new perspective that one almost wonders why The Hindu newspaper would  have as a headline that women are now learning to drive rapid transit. Yet, such a headline is indeed a reflection of important changes in the roles of women.

I spoke with the taxi driver whom I have now known for 5 years. He lives in a rural community near here and has 2 children. His 15 year old son he describes as doing nothing but he proudly tells me of his 17 ½ year old daughter who will finish school this year. He will then marry her off. In the west, we might bristle at this but for this man, this represents major change – it is the daughter who is being given room for education and then marriage to follow. He has consciously waited for the education to occur. This is progress.

This is a region under a lot of pressure. At the end of 2011, Cyclone Thane went through here with winds up to 140 km/h. There has been much physical damage. As you can see in the photo, the piles of salvaged wood represents the fact that almost 60% of the trees in the area were lost or damaged. While there has been rapid growth of some of the underbrush, cash crop trees have also been damaged such as the cashew tree. Yesterday, a young man described how his family has lost their crop and that the family is without means at the moment. He works at an internet café and is able to bring in some money. He says that, even many months later, there is no word from the government on exactly what compensation will be received.

Stumps yet to be cleared along with stored logs awaiting disposition

Another person told me that it took over 3 weeks for any power to be restored after the cyclone. What was restored was subject to 12 hour blackouts for many months to come. Today, we have seen 2 blackouts at our guest house. One every morning around 6 a.m. but only last for about 90 minutes. Given that is during daylight, it is not such a concern. Another occurred last night but it was in the dark allowing my wife and I to begin our little dinner in romantic blackout.

There has also been little rain here. Overall, through India the monsoon is late and has been about 25% below normal. The implications for agriculture are massive. Certainly, this is not the only area of the world affected by weather. The United States is undergoing a drought that has not been seen for about 40 years. Greenland was recently reported to have had an unprecedented melt. There have been the mudslides and flooding in British Columbia. Mother Nature has a marvelous ability to remind us just who is in control. The ground here is dry. In the village down the road, the large water pond which is typically fairly full this time of year is within inches of being dry.  There is also a growing risk from salination of the water table. Some here tell me that there is a year left before the problem reaches the community in which we live. The implications for farming, trees, energy and being able to live are enormous.

Yet the poverty implications of drought are crucial in many ways. Recent research has told us that child abuse and maltreatment does have a link to increased pressures from poverty. For the poorest this can bring the pressures here in India that can lead to the trafficking of children. I will be visiting two centers in Chennai next week and will learn more about the current stressors. Last time I met with one center, they described that these pressures see traffickers come into villages promising work in the cities for the child. The father, seeing what he believes to be a win for the family (a fee is paid for the child) and a win for the child (who would be given employment and a place to live) agrees to the bargain. He naively believes that he has done something good to help his family survive. His daughter will be trafficked into the sex or household servitude trades perhaps in India, more often overseas.

There is also pressure on families because prices are going up. A simple example, the taxi ride from Chennai down to where I am staying was 25% higher this year. We had been warned by friends that this would be the case. We see increases in food prices from our local fruit stand and grocer.

So yes, change is inevitable but for some it will bring hardship. Even the local merchants who often see tourists through the region are barely managing as there are so few tourists. The guest house here are all full of vacancies. My newly developed and completely unscientific British Airways Index noted that there were only about 6 non-Indian persons on board. This would typically be about 30% of the passengers. This time, there was the usual group of Indian families returning from lives overseas to reconnect with family back home; there were the grandparents returning from pilgrimages to see their grown children and their families but there were very few of us obviously coming to be a tourist.

Being the curious kind of guy, when standing waiting for luggage arriving at snail pace, I chatted with some of the tourists. One was there for 3 months for a volunteer gig and a few were going to wander with backpacks. Not a lot of tourist dollars on this flight. Friends here tell me that the tourist traffic in the region overall is down very significantly. This impacts the economic base for many.

The community here is much quieter with visibly fewer tourists to be seen. This creates for us more chance to be quiet. I have my first meeting with the child protection group tomorrow and thus, a better sense of what I will be doing during this visit.

My good wife April

The wonders of “IT”

As a social worker, there seems no escape from it. Everywhere I go, it seems to follow me. There I am already on this trip to India, on a flight from Calgary to London, and I am engaged in it. “It” is the sometimes not so subtle activity of observing people, their behaviors and wondering how they fit into various social work theories.

So, I am sitting in the second row in the cheap seats on British Airways watching three mothers and their babies in the row in front of me. In so doing, the work of attachment theorists John Bowlby, Mary Ainsworth and Mary Main came to mind. Here I was, essentially in an attachment laboratory watching the mother – child dyads at work.

In the seats in front of me was a remarkably anxious mother. She was nervous about the interactions between she and her baby which was reflected in the way in which the baby would not settle down. As the little boy grew restless or noisy, mom got anxious and then so did the baby. It would take quite some time for the baby to settle.

At the far end to my left was the emotionally cold mother. Oh she was good at the basics of feeding, changing diapers and so on. She was not emotionally available however. Thus the child managed her mother by using intense, pay attention to me behavior. If the mother did not respond, the child intensified.

In between the two mothers, was a woman who was significantly in tune with her child. She could read the cues well and responded accordingly. The child settled knowing the mother was at hand. It was interesting to watch this mother, at one point, assist the anxious mother. The baby calmed in the arms of this stranger although kept his mother in sight suggesting that there was indeed some level of security in the attachment relationship.

Later, on the flight from London to Chennai, I watched a mother engage in face to face emotional mirroring with her baby. As the child would smile, so did the mother; as the child’s gaze wandered to something, the mother followed and responded. When the child was upset (as so often happens when children are cooped up in a plane for 9 hours) the child sought out mother to be soothed. The mother was highly responsive and the child calmed very quickly. Further, the child sought out eye contact with the mother who offered this vibrant communication.

As the observer, I was also fascinated with the cross cultural nature of what I was observing with these and several other examples. It very much reminded me that attachment is not about culture but about the essential relationship between a parent (in these cases all mothers) and their infants. It is such an amazing building block for the future allowing the child to predict whether or not the world will be safe and responsive. What a joy it was to see tis in action.

While I was observing, I also saw cultural responses from people around these babies. At the time, I was reading Lisa Aronson Fontes wonderful book Child Abuse and Culture. She quoted the American writer Barbara Kingsolver in what seemed a most appropriate quote about an experience in Spain’s Canary Islands:

“ Widows in black, buttoned downed CEO’s, purple sneakered teenagers, the butcher, the baker, all would stop on the street to have little chats with my daughter… Whenever Camille grew cranky in a restaurant…the waiters flirted and brought little presents, and nearby diners looked on with that sweet, wistful gleam of an eye that I though diners reserved for the desert tray. What I discovered in Spain was a culture that held children to be its meringues and éclairs. My own culture, it seemed in retrospect, tended to regard children as a sort of toxic waste product: a necessary evil, maybe, but if its not our own we don’t want to se it or hear it or, God help us, smell it.”

The flight was almost entirely Indian in at least culture, although passports suggested a wide array of residence countries. There was the nurses (husband and wife) now living in England; the retired engineer from Chennai; the family from Toronto; the older couple who resided in Chicago – but all predominantly Indian in cultural origin. There were but a small smattering of other races. So, when as the last half hour of the flight occurred, the plane began a slow descent which is so hard on infants, the cacophony of cries that emerged almost in unison, was impossible to ignore. But unlike the same experience in North America, here was a chatting about the noise and the challenges for the babies and – most importantly – an understanding that just made the experience quite normal.

I believe it was Mark Twain who spoke about the value of travel. I should look that up but, as I write this in rural India shortly after arrival, there is no power, much less any internet. But this journey has awakened my sense of how powerful parenting can be. I am reminded why we teach about attachment and the wonderous journey it can create for a child.

Reflections on leaving India

My trips here are always emotionally important events. I learn much about myself and find myself challenged about how I see the world. Each time I leave, I depart a different person. Tonight, in the early hours, April and I will leave Chennai for home. This morning we travelled from Auroville up to Chennai, a trip of about 3 hours.

On the way, I saw myself reflecting on the constant contradictions that this country presents. There is absolute poverty within a growing and dynamic economy. On the way, you see new housing enclaves being built for those who are benefitting from the growth. Streets in Chennai are snarled with traffic increasingly made up of cars versus motorcycles – also a byproduct of the growing economy. The air quality in Chennai is poor and my eyes were burning after only an hour in the traffic. Local buses belch pollution visibly.

En route I also saw tremendous beauty that is India. Mango groves, palm trees, forests, coastlines, temples. In the days before leaving, I have seen life at its best. I have been in the company of intelligent people who are challenging things that need to change.

While here, Anna Hazare has led a fight against corruption that has captured the attention of the country, if not a good part of the world. In conversation at breakfast yesterday with two Indian families, they spoke of the desire for change, the end of corruption and honesty in government. They talked about how corruption has crept into even minor day to day transactions such as the man delivering the cooking gas insisting that he be paid extra for carrying the canister into the house.

Part of what I was doing here was teaching two separate groups about child sexual abuse. This occurs here at rates that are quite high, although we are certainly not exempt in the West by any extent. I met mothers in villages who bravely listened about this topic, something that is not often talked about. Yet, today I read about a headmaster at a school who has been sexually abusing girls for years, but both the victims and the families resist putting in police complaints. I met social workers here who push that India will no longer tolerate this. I also read about the Manitoba Mennonite Colony is South America where sexual assaults have damaged a community’s life. While here, I also read about the conviction of Warren Jeffs in the USA for sexual abuse. Thus, I know that the efforts to stop sexual abuse are needed broadly but change will occur only if we keep seeking it.

I have met ordinary Indians who have welcomed me and treated me with such dignity and respect. One young man at a place I ate regularly asked me to come and watch him play cricket. Another young lady brought April flowers for her hair. Amas (ladies who work at guest houses) who have known us from past visits have come up to us on the street or at cafes to say hello and wish us well. We have been invited into homes. It has been such joy.

We are a privileged society in the West in some ways but we too are struggling with a growing picture of poverty as economies falter. Here, if you have money, very good health care is easily available at prices that many in the west see as ridiculously cheap. If you want an arthroscopic surgery on your knee, you can have it tomorrow (no wait list) for about 60,000R or about $2600. The divide is such, however, that health care is far less effective if you are poor.

I was fascinated driving in to pass a large banner of Terry Fox. It was advertising the upcoming cancer run. It reminded me of the power of one person to capture the imagination for change. Anna Hazare has also done that. I asked myself, in daily life, how too do we also create the spirit of change and refuse to accept a status quo that fails too many people.

Why is that we have a world where one child will be served breakfast and another, like the child I saw this morning, will walk around barely clothed, squatting in the street to go to the bathroom.  Sri Aurobindo observed, “The idea of human progress itself is very probably an illusion, for there is no sign that man, once emerged from the animal stage, has radically progressed during his race history; at most he has advanced in knowledge of the physical world, in Science in the handling of his surroundings, in his purely external and utilitarian use of the secret laws of Nature. But otherwise he is what he always was in the early beginnings of civilization; he continues to manifest the same capacities, the same qualities and defects, the same efforts, blunders, achievements, frustrations. If progress there has been, it is in a circle, at most perhaps a widening circles…” In a world where we still have corruption, war, abuse of women, child physical and sexual abuse and the increasing incarceration of mentally ill, have we indeed mad any progress!

I read that Asia has been the source of spirituality in the world while the West has been about industry and intellectual pursuit. I wonder if those lines are weakening, as this growing economy stands taller – but the spiritual is fortunately very much at the core of this country still.

It is the brave people here who stand for something different and work toward it that are the signs that hope exists.

I look forward to my return next year to find out what else I will learn.

Real Change in Indian Villages

Tomorrow I have the chance to teach to a group of people who have affected real change in villages throughout the area. They have gone in to help create a series of programs that allow men and women to do things in their own communities. This is real community action at play. One of the leaders, a social worker named Anbu, is a skilled worker and therapist.

The program helps to create self help groups; micro finance programs; mediation, community development. This is the kind of program that we teach about in university but here it is in action. Essential the Village Action Group has found a way to take the theory and show that it can, in fact, be done

A simple example is finding ways to do micro financing which is an idea created by Prof. Yunnis in Bangladesh. If the local moneylender is allowed to flourish, he will charge a rate of 90% per year. This leaves the borrower in a no win, dependency situation. If, instead, you can create small loans and charge rates that are typical of the banks, then you create room for progress. The projects can be entrepreneurial in nature or help a community with clean drinking water.

The VAG is also helping families address difficult topics such as domestic violence and the rapidly growing problems of alcoholism.  I am impressed with the way that they can bring groups of villagers together to talk about difficult issues that may not have been addressed otherwise. An example is relating to each other while breaking down the still present caste barriers.

The program connects villagers with health care service and increase environmental awareness.

They are also trying to work with the psych social issues that can be so profound here. This region of India has one of the highest suicide rates in the country. Thus, they are bringing counseling into the picture.  Anbu has told me of some of her work which is quite skilled and reflective of the best principles of social work – respect for the client; empowerment; patience; availability; communication and a view to how the client will take long term ownership of her life.

This is how real social change occurs in communities. VAG doesn’t own the change – it facilitates it. The communities come to own it. They take on leadership.  They now work with some 80 villages and hamlets.

The program is now almost 30 years in the making. Quite revolutionary, when you think about it, particularly in rural India where traditions can hold on. When I was here last year, I was told a story about a small project in a village nearby where children come to play and do homework, The project leaders had managed to spruce up the building. The landlord wanted a new high rent or to take the building back. Young men from the village got together to force the landlord to allow the project to continue.

I am excited to have been invited to give a workshop to these amazing people who are having profound impacts on so many villages. More after the training day on Saturday!

Some thoughts on my experiences here around child protection

Over the last year, I have had the opportunity to see some child protection efforts in South India. My involvement has been fairly minor offering some support in training and case management. However, the experience has taught me much more which is often the case when you get a chance to experience social work from a different perspective.

There is much that we have in common. Parents want their children to grow up and be successful, independent adults. They hope that their children will do better in life than they have done and also that they will marry and bring grandchildren into the world. These sound very much like the hopes and dreams of many throughout the world.

But there are serious problems facing children in India which can include the poverty that so many media reports have highlighted. Yet, this is also a society which is seeing a burgeoning upwardly mobile middle class as well. Indian government documents, and those from NGO’s, however, suggest that India has a major challenge to address abuse of children, particularly sexual abuse. It is estimated that over half of children in this country are sexually abused in some way. This is a frightening statistic.

The process of change is underway. Media are talking about it bringing the subject out from the shadows. I have heard stories of women, multi generational groupings, share their stories with each other, cry together and bring the truth at least amongst themselves. It adds to the dialogue. Little conversation is openly apparent around changing how boys are brought up.

One teacher told me that he estimates that 95% of girls in his village are subject to “eveteasing”. This term refers to various forms of sexual harassment. I suspect that girls in Canada might also describe high levels of this if leering and sexual commentary are considered part of the picture.

Sexual tourism I am told is a growing problem here. This is in the form of children being trafficked as well as pedophiles coming to India. One agency told me that pedophiles are coming to the country under the guise of volunteering with NGOs. In addition, here in Asia, they are talking about international adoption as a way in which children are being trafficked. Surrogacy is an emerging way in which child trafficking is occurring.

Alcoholism is a growth concern as well. This matters as it relates to child and spousal abuse. I was told of a case where, in a drunken state and to get back at his wife, a father doused his son with kerosene intending to light him on fire. I am uncertain what stopped the father but I can only imaging the long term impact for this family.

Solving child protection concerns in India is complicated by the lack of a formal national or statewide system. It appears to be fragmented and inconsistent. Of course, pedophiles and sex tourists find this attractive, as it is less likely that they will be found.

I am uncertain what impact corruption has on child protection here. It certainly is one of the hottest topics in the media at the moment as a Ghandian , Anna Hazare, is engaged in a very high profile hunger strike to get the government to take what he views are effective measures to stop it. It is viewed as very widespread here and affects many aspects of life.

As always, I have learned far more here than I can ever give in my meager efforts to support one group. India remains an immense, beautiful land with some of the most amazing people I have ever met. I have been invited into homes, had chai with magnificent individuals and met people who are committed to the process of change.

On Saturday I have a unique chance to teach a seminar to a group of people who work with children and families in small villages. It will be a challenge as it will be simultaneously translated into Tamil by an amazing and talented social worker and therapist that I have met. More on 

The spirituality of this place

An at times uncomfortable reality of Auroville, is that the spirituality of this place can whack you over the head. You end up experiencing things or coming face to face with emotions that you would prefer to avoid. Being open to these experiences matters and will help to shift your own understanding of self.

This is apparently one of the snails you should avoid. You can tell how long he is because that is his tail inside the pipe

During the 3 weeks that we have been here so far, I have been busy with doing focus groups and training. There is more to come in the final week. In between, I have been trying to look at myself. This has been done in various ways with contemplating at the Matrimandir as central to the effort.

Self-reflection is a powerful tool as long as the ego can be quieted long enough to hear the other life messages. In our busy day-to-day lives of work, friends, social obligations and getting the chores done, it is easy to avoid having to look at this stuff. Distractions can be wonderful ways to avoid. Here in Auroville, there is lots of time to reflect.

When you begin the process, you start to see things that you don’t like. Behaviors that get in the way of being who you seek to be; relationships that you have underperformed in; duties of fatherhood that I have been deficient in; being less of a husband that I could have been. Yet, all of these are also about coming to grips with being a fallible, imperfect human being.

For me, one area that has been coming up on a regular basis is the role that spirituality has been playing in my life – and at times, not playing. As a young man, the Catholic Church deeply and negatively impacted me. Growing up, I was subjected to emotional and often physical abuse by the brothers at the school I attended. I came to see in my adult years how the Church not only condoned that but much more, as the serious physical and sexual abuse scandals became more and more apparent. I felt like a minor player on life stage of brutality in the name of religion.

As an aside, I am stunned to learn that just last week, there was yet another case in the United States where a bishop failed to act to protect children from a pedophilic priest. And no, this was not a case uncovered from the past, it was going on very much in the present.

These experiences from childhood and young adulthood caused my to reject the Church. It has left me spiritually wandering since then. While here in Auroville, I read Mitch Album’s lovely little book, Have a Little Faith. It reminded me that having a real spirituality is not about the relationship with an institution, but with a higher power whatever you call it. It is this that I am rediscovering here.

I was fascinated to see a group of mothers and children here from the People’s Republic of China. They were staying in the most expensive guest house in Auroville and demonstrated group behavior that reminds me that any large national group travelling together from whatever country, will demonstrate undesirable behaviors. Doesn’t matter which nationality!

Before coming to Auroville, they attended another spiritual place, The Oneness University that is also a place for spiritual development. That a group from this communist country would be wandering with children to spiritual activities is curious. They have certainly been taking the activities in here.

Also showing up from time to time are various Indian VIPs frequently with military or police escort. Thus, I found some irony in a sign posted at the Matrimandir the other day stating, “No Firearms Past This Point.” Not, in my mind, a typical sign around here. 

My lovely wife - also a delightful cat in the background. We had one ion a restaurant yesterday hop up on her lap asking for treats.

As India progresses so do some problems

I had an interesting conversation about the growing prosperity in India. This followed my trip to Chennai, a large city some 3 hours away from where I am staying. In Chennai, the streets are clogged with traffic making getting around an all too familiar challenge found in large cities worldwide. The smog (from various sources) is so bad that traffic police now wear surgical masks. Most who ride two wheelers (being mainly motorcycles and scooters) also wear something to cover their mouths.

Chennai is making some interesting steps - there is a new rapid transit system under construction.

But in the conversation, my friend noted that, as the prosperity grows, so does the desire for cars and SUVs. This occurs in a country where the infrastructure is not well set up for a significant increase in four wheeled traffic. With prosperity comes complicated problems to be solved.